Chapter 2: What Am I Supposed to Do?

 

I could barely sleep that night.

Every time I closed my eyes, memories from yesterday came rushing back—the softness of Suzuka’s skin, her sweet voice, the waves of pleasure—all of it resurfacing with uncontrollable desire burning deep in my gut, alternating with waves of guilt crashing over me.

Even when I did manage to fall asleep, Suzuka would appear in my dreams, smiling seductively as she entwined her body with mine, whispering “It’s okay” in my ear. And I’d end up repeating the same mistake, even in my dreams, as if that was what I truly wanted.

That’s how intense yesterday’s events were—my first time had left an indelible mark.

“…I look terrible.”

Looking at myself in the bathroom mirror that morning, my face showed clear signs of inner turmoil—regret and lingering desire evident in the dark circles under my eyes and the wrinkles between my brows.

And it was a painfully familiar face.

It reminded me of the mistake I’d made last autumn.

Back then, I’d gotten carried away just because a girl I’d never paid attention to before seemed interested in me. The face I saw now looked just like it did after that failure.

“…………”

Yuuma splashed cold water over his head, as if trying to wash it all away.

With his mind slightly clearer now, he desperately tried to make himself presentable, maintaining a facade of normalcy as he headed to the living room.

“…They won’t be back until the weekend, huh?”

No lights, no sign of life—just three thousand-yen bills carelessly left on the cold, dim dining table. A wordless message from his parents: use it for food.

This was nothing unusual in the Kawai household.

It had been this way for as long as he could remember.

Family meals together were rare to begin with. Even when they did happen, they were just mechanical motions of putting food in their mouths.

A completely cold relationship.

Even when they do see each other at home, they act as if the other doesn’t exist. You could say his parents are a couple in name only.

They have zero interest in each other.

And yet, apparently, theirs was a love marriage.

Thinking about his parents only reinforced his belief that love was nothing but a delusion of the mind. A temporary lapse in judgment. Something that inevitably grows cold after a few years. These thoughts kept getting stronger.

He opened the fridge with sluggish movements and peered inside, but found nothing appetizing.

Though he had little appetite, he hadn’t eaten anything last night either. Following the rational part of his brain that commanded him to put something in his stomach, he mechanically downed some milk. Better than nothing, at least.

And so Yuuma left the house, his heart heavy with melancholy.

 

 

In stark contrast to the gloom in Yuuma’s heart, the sky was ironically a pristine, cloudless blue. The fresh green leaves swayed in the still-chilly breeze, heralding the start of summer.

As he trudged along his familiar route to school with heavy steps, his thoughts turned to Suzuka.

—First, he needed to apologize.

Though there was a selfish calculation in wanting to escape his guilty conscience, the fact remained that he had physically hurt and defiled her.

He hadn’t decided exactly what to say, but that would be his starting point.

If things went as usual, Suzuka would be waiting with Kousei at their usual spot near the park.

But then a thought struck him.

Would she really show up like normal?

Wouldn’t she find it just as difficult to face him?

As he considered this possibility, his heart was suddenly overwhelmed with fear.

“…ah”

He unconsciously clutched at his chest with his right hand.

Like Kousei, he’d known Suzuka since they were old enough to remember.

Always together.

Having her by his side was just natural.

She was just another part of his everyday life.

The thought that all of this might disappear made him feel like the ground was crumbling beneath his feet.

What an absurd price to pay for a moment of pleasure.

His face turning ashen, Yuuma leaned against the wall, taking shallow breaths as he gasped for air.

What should he do—

As his thoughts kept spinning uselessly in circles, an oddly cheerful and upbeat voice called out to him.

“Yo, Yuuma!”

“Kousei……”

“What’s wrong? You’re all sweaty and looking awful. Aha, you overslept, didn’t you? And had to run here at full speed, right?”

“…Haha, something like that.”

Yuuma went along with Kousei’s convenient misunderstanding.

Kousei was grinning from ear to ear, and before Yuuma knew it, he had thrown an arm around his shoulders and started talking about yesterday with barely contained excitement, even though Yuuma hadn’t asked.

“Man, sorry about yesterday. You got called in for that part-time shift, right? There were only two of us on the floor—me and senpai—and it was crazy busy. Dinner time was like my head was spinning, seriously~it was rough, rough. But we managed somehow, and it was definitely good that I went!”

“H-Heh. Then, I bet senpai was happy too?”

“Oh yeah, that’s right! As thanks, senpai’s gonna take me to this pancake place they’ve been recommending. This has gotta be, you know… a date… right!?”

“Ah, well… at least that’s what it looks like from the outside, I guess.”

“Right~!? Ugh, I managed to do something with my hair, but what should I wear? Hey, what kind of clothes do you think I should wear for something like this?”

“Even if you ask me… wouldn’t Abunaga know better?”

“Yeah, that’s true~. Well, I should at least pick out some options to ask about.”

Saying that, Kousei pulled out his phone and started searching.

As Yuuma let out an exasperated sigh, a voice chimed in from behind as if in agreement.

“Onii-chan’s been like this ever since he got home yesterday! Living in the same house and having to listen to it all night—it went way past endearing and straight into depressing!”

“Su-……”

At the sight of Suzuka, who had arrived slightly after Kousei, Yuuma’s heart leaped into his throat. Unable to find the right words, he stumbled over his speech.

Suzuka shrugged her shoulders and shook her head slightly, wearing an exasperated expression at her brother’s giddy behavior. She was acting just like always, as if nothing had happened yesterday.

“Sh-Shut up, Suzuka! Besides, all you ever said was ‘Ah, that should be fine’ no matter what I showed you!”

“Hah! That’s what you get for asking someone like me who knows nothing about fashion!”

“Ugh, my own sister with the brutal honesty!”

“Hehe!”

“Ha… haha…”

Yuuma let out a dry laugh at their usual banter playing out as normal.

The conversation was flowing so naturally that it felt surreal, like he was under some kind of fox spirit’s spell.

He even started to wonder if nothing had actually happened with Suzuka yesterday—if maybe he had just dozed off in Kousei’s room and dreamed the whole thing.

Just then, Suzuka stumbled.

“Ah!”

“Whoa, you okay?”

Yuuma quickly caught her arm, steadying her.

The soft scent that wafted from her and the gentle feeling of her body through her uniform were exactly as he remembered.

His heart racing, Yuuma quickly pulled away.

“Thanks, Yuu-kun.”

“No…”

“Geez, again, Suzuka? How many times is that? You seem really out of it today, keep tripping over everything. Stayed up late? Bet you got caught up watching streams again and lost track of time.”

“Ugh, shut up, Onii-chan!”

Though Suzuka thanked him somewhat bashfully, when teased by her brother she raised her fist in protest. Kousei sang out “Scary, scary~” in a playful tone as he ran ahead toward the station.

Suzuka let out a sigh and turned to Yuuma with narrowed eyes, pouting as she muttered under her breath.

“Geez, it’s your fault I can barely walk, you know. I still feel like there’s something between my legs…”

“…Eh?”

“Yeah, it was rough afterward too. Had to air out the room, deal with blood on the sheets—though if anyone asks, I’ll just say it was an unexpected period or something.”

“Ah, uh…”

Suzuka spoke about yesterday’s events with surprising casualness.

For Yuuma, it was an event that left what felt like claw marks deep in his heart, yet she was talking about it as casually as discussing what she had for dinner yesterday.

His confusion only grew.

Was it really such a trivial matter to her?

He couldn’t understand.

As she hurried after Kousei, she noticed Yuuma wasn’t following and turned back with a puzzled look.

“Yuu-kun, aren’t you coming?”

“Oh, yeah, coming now.”

Prompted by her words, he fell into step beside her, keeping a slight distance.

Glancing at her, Suzuka seemed exactly like her usual self.

Yuuma found himself unable to understand this longtime friend’s sister anymore.

 

 

At their usual station, Riko boarded the train and her eyes widened at Kousei’s words.

“A d-date!? Kousei-senpai!?”

“Hehe, that’s right~”

“H-how did this even happen!?”

“Well~, I guess my popular phase has finally arrived?”

Riko’s voice wavered and her eyes darted around nervously while Kousei rode high on his excitement.

Usually, Yuuma would exchange knowing smiles with Suzuka at this scene, but today he didn’t know what expression to make. Though he felt their gazes on him, he could only manage a soft sigh.

“Yesterday, Onii-chan helped out with a sudden shift at work, and this is supposed to be a thank-you. Apparently they’re going to take him to some pancake place,” Suzuka explained.

“Oh, I see… In that case, it probably won’t just be the two of you alone, Kousei-senpai.”

“Eh!?”

Riko regained her composure as she processed Suzuka’s explanation. She put her hand to her chin and muttered her thoughts, causing Kousei’s eyes to widen in surprise and dismay.

“Well, senpai would surely understand how it would look if they went to a place like that alone with you. Like, maybe the person who skipped their shift might come along too.”

“Ah, maybe they’ll treat us as an apology.”

“Come to think of it, the one who suddenly took the day off was senpai’s close friend from university…”

“Whoa, that confirms it!”

“My condolences, Onii-chan.”

“Ngh…”

Kousei let out a low growl, gritting his teeth.

After having a good laugh, Riko poked his nose with her index finger, giving him a “what can you do?” kind of look as he hung his head.

“Well, well, you’re still meeting in private though, right? Maybe you can score some points by showing a cooler side of yourself than usual?”

“Y-Yeah, that’s right! I better put in some effort then!”

Suzuka and Riko exchanged exasperated looks at how easily Kousei bounced back.

“But Kousei-senpai, do you even have anything suitable to wear? Maybe your uniform would be the safest choice?”

“Yeah, that’s the thing… So I wanted to ask for your help, Riko-san.”

“What’s this~? Are you really asking a girl like me for fashion advice to meet another woman~?”

“Please~! You’re the only one I can ask about this! I mean, look at Suzuka…”

“Shut up, Onii-chan!”

“Ahaha! …Hmm~ What should I do~? There is this pouch I’ve been wanting…”

“Ugh, talk about taking advantage… Don’t make it too expensive.”

“Yay! I love it when Kousei-senpai is this easy to manipulate!”

“Yes, yes.”

Riko clapped her hands together, flashing a bright smile. But her expression held a complex mix of relief and anxiety.

Their conversation continued to play out just like any other day.

In fact, it felt so normal that it made yesterday’s events seem almost distant and unreal.

Usually, Yuuma would be joining Riko in teasing remarks or chiming in like Suzuka. But today he didn’t know how to act, only able to observe the scene with a vacant stare.

His unusual behavior must have caught Riko’s attention. She peered at his face with a puzzled expression.

“Kawai-senpai, you’re awfully quiet today. Is something wrong?”

“Ah, well, um…”

“Seems like Yuuma stayed up late. He even came running this morning.”

“Heh, that’s unusual. Oh, did you get hooked on something?”

“Y-yeah, something like that.”

“Oh? What is it?”

“Well…”

Though he was going along with the conversation, there wasn’t actually anything of the sort.

Seeing Yuuma stumble over his words, Kousei and Riko exchanged confused looks.

Then Suzuka twisted her lips into a grin and took a playful jab at him.

“Hmm~ when someone’s this evasive, it usually means they were looking at something naughty~”

“Eh!?”

“Ahaha, that’s more like Kousei-senpai!”

“Well~, Yuu-kun can be quite the closet pervert sometimes, you know?”

Suzuka smiled mischievously and winked at him. It was as if she was saying “You were probably all hot and bothered thinking about what we did last night, weren’t you?”

His heart jumped, and his shoulders twitched visibly.

Taking Yuuma’s reaction as confirmation, Kousei leaned in with a knowing smirk and whispered in his ear.

“Hey hey, did you get your hands on some really good dirty manga or something? Let me borrow it sometime!”

“N-No, that’s not it at all!”

He could hardly tell the truth about yesterday. Besides, Kousei was Suzuka’s brother.

Meanwhile, Suzuka was giggling along with Riko, clearly amused.

His heart was a jumbled mess of guilt and shame.

This only added to his confusion, leaving him at a complete loss for what to do.

Just then, the train arrived at their school’s station.

“I just remembered something I need to do. Going ahead!”

“Hey, Yuuma!”

“Ah, Yuu-kun!”

Seizing the opportunity, Yuuma jumped off the train and dashed away without looking back.

Behind him, he could hear the confused voices of his three friends.

 

 

Since he’d claimed to have something to do, he couldn’t very well go straight to the classroom. There was still nearly twenty minutes until homeroom anyway.

Besides, he wanted to sort out his thoughts, so he headed for the library.

A few students were studying there, with the scratching of pens against notebooks echoing through the room. The reception desk was empty—morning duty was voluntary for committee members, and enthusiastic library committee members were rare. Without hesitation, Yuuma slipped into the familiar library preparation room.

Furrowing his brow at the book truck filled with returns, he set his bag down on the workbench by the wall. He pulled up a folding chair and sat down, letting out a heavy sigh as if releasing all his pent-up tension.

Holding his head with his right hand, he thought about Suzuka.

Her attitude was completely normal, just like always.

She acted as if yesterday meant absolutely nothing, like it wasn’t even worth remembering.

For Yuuma, a girl’s first time was something he considered special.

That was the common view of chastity, wasn’t it?

From what he knew of Suzuka, he didn’t think her sense of these things deviated from societal norms.

So why?

Could it be because she actually liked him—the thought crossed his mind, but he immediately dismissed it.

After all, hadn’t she always said love was stupid? He understood that feeling well.

If asked whether he liked Suzuka, of course he did.

But that like was different from romantic love. He could say that with certainty. Even now, he didn’t feel the heart-pounding sensation or other things he’d felt when in love before.

The most likely explanation was curiosity?

Suzuka did have a strong curious streak.

For Yuuma too, that had been the second strongest feeling after desire at that moment.

But was curiosity alone enough to do something like that?

…The more he thought about it, the deeper he sank into confusion.

He couldn’t understand Suzuka, his best friend’s sister whom he’d known since childhood.

And more than anything, he couldn’t understand himself.

This morning, Suzuka’s casual attitude had made him feel forgiven, but that relief was immediately painted over by a dim thirst in his heart.

Remembering Suzuka’s warmth and touch from yesterday, he felt like he might overflow with the desire to do it again.

If he faced Suzuka again now, he was sure he’d be consumed by this desire. Earlier had been dangerous enough.

—He wanted her body despite not seeing her as a romantic interest.

Such selfishness, his lack of self-control that so easily gave in to twisted desires—it made him hate himself completely.

He hadn’t learned anything from his past mistakes.

“Damn it, I’m the worst…”

As he held his head in his hands, the door clicked open.

“Oh? Kawai-kun?”

“…Ueda-san.”

It was Ueda Sayuki, a female student with beautiful, glossy hair cut neatly at her shoulders, giving off an elegant, demure, and somewhat ephemeral impression. She was on the library committee with Yuuma.

They had been classmates in middle school—more acquaintances than anything else.

Though they didn’t interact much regularly, their long but casual association meant they understood each other’s personalities well enough, and among committee members, they talked relatively often.

Sayuki blinked in surprise and tilted her head quizzically.

If she asked why he was here, he wouldn’t know what to say. Yuuma could only return a wry smile.

“……”

“……”

Their probing gazes met, creating an awkward atmosphere.

Sayuki furrowed her brow in apparent discomfort and kept glancing somewhere. Following her gaze, Yuuma spotted the book truck piled with returns.

Ah, so that was why she was here.

“Reshelving books?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“I’ll help.”

“No, but…”

Sayuki showed hesitation at Yuuma’s offer. While her modest and humble nature was one of her good points, it would also feel awkward to do nothing while someone else was working.

Besides, it would give him an excuse if Kousei said anything when he got back to class.

“I’ve got nothing better to do, let me kill some time.”

“Hehe, well if you put it that way.”

When Yuuma somewhat forcefully started pushing the book truck, Sayuki let out a small laugh and followed him with good humor.

Working together with Sayuki, they had managed to reshelve about forty percent of the books when the warning bell rang.

“Thank you for helping me.”

“We’re on the same committee, don’t worry about it.”

Yuuma gave an ambiguous smile to Sayuki, who bowed politely, and they parted ways to their respective classrooms.

He walked quickly, as if trying to shake off the guilt that seemed to weigh down his feet.

Still, having lost himself in the work had helped him regain a bit of composure.

Entering the classroom, his eyes naturally searched for Kousei.

He spotted him immediately. Kousei was talking with a group centered around fashionable, trendy girls he’d never really interacted with before, drawing attention from those around them.

As Yuuma headed to his seat with a frown, Kousei noticed him and raised his hand in greeting.

“Hey, Yuuma. You’re late—what were you doing?”

“Committee work. Reshelving books in the library.”

“Huh, so you really did have something to do.”

Well, at least he hadn’t lied. Kousei snorted in acknowledgment and returned to his conversation. Yuuma, who wouldn’t have known what to say to Kousei anyway, felt relieved.

As he set his bag down at his desk, he looked around the classroom. Like yesterday, romance talk dominated every conversation. Probably because Kousei had been asking everyone what he should wear on his date.

Yuuma’s gaze returned to Kousei. He frowned as he picked up on the subtle mockery in the words of these “popular” girls as they teased Kousei.

Either Kousei didn’t realize he was being made fun of, or he was too desperate to care—he just sat there scratching his head with blushing cheeks.

Maybe other people’s love lives had entertainment value for them.

Like Yuuma, Kousei had never been the type to stand out.

But in just these couple of days, he’d completely changed his hairstyle and started talking about clothes, catching everyone’s interest.

That’s how serious his best friend must be about his feelings for senpai.

This scene repeated itself during every break, with more and more people, both boys and girls, coming to talk to Kousei.

Though they might have started out just treating it as entertainment, eventually everyone was moved by Kousei’s sincerity, and an atmosphere of genuine support began to develop.

(……)

Watching from a distance, Yuuma’s face soured as he recalled his own past.

He definitely couldn’t get excited about romance talk like they did.

His previous failure had left him with something like an aversion to love that still lingered in his heart.

Even back then, it wasn’t like he’d been attracted to her as his type. In fact, he barely knew anything about her.

He’d only gotten caught up in it because he was controlled by the desire to do things with her—controlled by lust.

Weak-willed. Simply put, he was vulnerable to temptation.

He clearly wasn’t suited for love at all.

Yet despite that, he had more than average desire for physical intimacy after dating someone. And now that he’d experienced that pleasure with Suzuka yesterday, that desire was even stronger than before.

His throat bobbed as he vividly recalled the sensation of Suzuka’s touch.

He could taste his own wretchedness.

 

 

Lunchtime came.

Usually he’d head to the school store or cafeteria with Kousei, but today his best friend seemed busy with various things. Even now, he was being talked to by a group of girls who loved discussing romance.

Now what should he do?

As Yuuma sat there at a loss, a familiar voice called out from the hallway.

“Kousei-senpai, I’m here~!”

It was Riko. She must have made plans with Kousei after Yuuma had left for the library this morning. It was rare for her to come all the way to their classroom like this. He could count the times it happened in middle school on one hand, and this was probably the first time in high school.

The classroom suddenly buzzed with whispers at Riko’s appearance: “She’s cute, is she a first-year?” “She called Kuramoto-kun by name, could it be…?” “He could do better with someone taller.” “She’s not to be underestimated.”

That reaction was understandable. Since entering high school, Riko had undergone a complete makeover and was now a girl with elegant, striking beauty. Though it was somewhat surprising to see her drawing this much attention, knowing her from middle school, it made sense.

Riko herself seemed surprised by the classroom’s reaction.

Her shoulders jumped, and she nervously glanced around the room.

Kousei, apparently oblivious to the classroom’s reaction, greeted Riko’s visit with his usual friendly smile and a big wave, excusing himself from the girls he’d been talking to.

Riko didn’t miss the disappointed looks on those girls’ faces as Kousei ended their conversation.

For a moment, Riko’s eyes went wide, but her nervous demeanor vanished instantly. With an impish, provocative smile, she boldly entered the classroom and grabbed Kousei’s arm.

“Come on, let’s go!”

“Hey, Riko! …Geez. Yuuma, let’s go.”

“…Yeah.”

Yuuma let out a wry smile at Kousei being dragged along by Riko and followed behind them.

When he stepped into the hallway, he stopped in his tracks at the sight of Suzuka waiting there with an exasperated look.

Of course she would be here. Just like Yuuma and Kousei, Riko and Suzuka were classmates and best friends who were always together.

But for Yuuma right now, it felt like an ambush.

“Ri-chan, you didn’t have to go all the way into the classroom…”

Suzuka said this with exasperation at Riko’s sudden action.

Riko averted her gaze and answered with slightly pursed lips.

“Well, it’s Kousei-senpai’s fault for taking so long.”

“Sorry, sorry. I was getting opinions from various classmates.”

“Hmm, that’s unusual for you, Onii-chan. Actually, it’s not like you at all.”

“Yeah, I know it’s out of character.”

Yuuma watched their exchange from a step back.

Eventually, Kousei said “I’m hungry, let’s hurry to the cafeteria” and started walking ahead.

Riko muttered in a voice too quiet for Kousei to hear, looking slightly disgruntled.

“…Even though I told him to leave it to me.”

His eyes met Suzuka’s as she gave a wry smile at Riko’s sulky expression.

Immediately, various emotions, thoughts, and desires began swirling in Yuuma’s chest.

What should he say? Was she feeling better? Should he just join in the conversation about Kousei as if nothing had happened?

His thoughts wouldn’t settle, and at odd moments memories of yesterday with Suzuka threatened to surface, leaving him stammering “…eh” “…ah” incoherently. The awkwardness only grew worse.

As he stood there frozen, Suzuka and Riko started heading toward the cafeteria. Noticing he wasn’t following, they called out to him.

“Yuu-kun?”

“What’s wrong, Kawai-senpai?”

“Ah! Um, I just remembered I need to finish something from this morning!”

“Eh!?”

“Ah, wait!”

He blurted this out and ran off in the opposite direction, leaving behind their surprised voices.

Desperately searching for somewhere he wouldn’t have to face anyone, he made his way to the corner of the school building where he spotted the emergency stairwell.

After a moment’s hesitation, he quietly unlocked the door, forced open the heavy iron door, and slipped inside. He slid down against the wall until he was sitting on the floor.

Looking up at the bright blue sky with hatred, he let out a self-mocking laugh.

“What am I doing?”

 

 

He couldn’t stay calm when facing Suzuka.

So after school that day too, he made some excuse to Kousei and went straight home to avoid seeing her.

He carelessly tossed his bag aside and collapsed backward onto his bed. His sigh dissolved into the crimson-tinted room.

Ironically, it was the same twilight hour as that time.

He couldn’t help but remember what happened with Suzuka yesterday.

“…Damn it.”

His thoughts were hopelessly dominated by sexual desire.

As expected of a pubescent body—one of the three basic human drives, you could say.

Suzuka’s attitude was also part of the problem.

The way she acted made it too easy for him to interpret things conveniently and risk making the same mistake again.

He knew they needed to talk.

But right now, he had no confidence he could stay calm when facing her.

“…What am I supposed to do?”

No matter how much he thought about it, he couldn’t find an answer.

And thinking about the future just filled him with gloom.

Suzuka was too deeply rooted in Yuuma’s daily life. She was that close to him.

He decided he should at least put some time between them. Though he knew full well he was just postponing dealing with the problem.

With sluggish movements, Yuuma reached for his phone, opened the group chat, and typed out an excuse.

《I’ll be busy with committee work for a while starting tomorrow.》

 

◇◆◇

 

Several days had passed since Yuuma stopped showing up.

At their usual time, at their usual station, Riko blinked in surprise to see only the Kuramoto siblings.

“Kawai-senpai isn’t here today either?”

“Yeah, yesterday too he went straight to the library as soon as lunch started. Geez, suddenly getting all serious about committee work.”

“Hmm, I wonder what happened. Do you know, Suzu-chan?”

“Ah! W-Well……”

Having a good idea what this was about, Suzuka’s heart skipped a beat as she gave a vague response.

Riko peered at her face suspiciously, but Suzuka just furrowed her brow in apparent trouble.

Eventually, Riko’s suspicious look turned knowing, and she let out an exasperated sigh.

“If you’re fighting, make up soon, okay?”

“Well, it has been a while since Yuuma got upset over something Suzuka did.”

“…Shut up, Onii-chan.”

Suzuka gave an awkward comeback to her brother’s usual teasing.

She knew exactly what the cause was.

She had crossed a line with Yuuma.

She’d done something so outrageous she could never tell her brother or Riko about it.

It wasn’t like Suzuka was particularly loose with her morals. She was normal—or should have been.

Even though she’d gotten caught up in curiosity, interest, and the mood of the moment, if it hadn’t been Yuuma, she never would have made the first move like that.

Looking back at that time, she even found it cute how Yuuma had been so caught up in his desire for her that he couldn’t spare a thought for anything else. She felt that way because, for her too, it hadn’t been unpleasant at all.

After that fever-like time passed and she’d calmed down, she’d agonized over how to face him the next day, writhing in embarrassment.

But they’d seen each other in embarrassing situations plenty of times since they were little.

Like when she wet the bed during a sleepover at the Kuramoto house, or when they fooled around and fell in the rice paddy ditch on the way to school getting covered in mud, or when they got lost together at the aquarium and had to get picked up by their parents while crying.

Sure, what they’d done was embarrassing.

But she’d thought if she just acted normal, things would quickly go back to normal too. Like how they’d always laughed off small mistakes before. She had that kind of trust in Yuuma.

And she’d thought that if they could get back to their usual atmosphere, he might want her again.

She understood how strong those kinds of desires were for boys their age.

And she wouldn’t mind responding to those desires either.

She’d even caught herself grinning as she imagined teasing him about being shy to ask, or telling him it still hurt from yesterday to make him squirm.

But she never expected him to avoid her this completely.

“…Haah.”

She let out a big sigh at herself.

Despite her best efforts, her chest was gradually being filled with impatience, anxiety, and something like loneliness.

She glanced at her best friend and brother, deep in animated conversation.

Riko, who had transformed herself for high school, was petite with a cute yet striking appearance. Next to her was Kousei, who had recently changed his image too, now bright and fresh-looking.

The two of them, both taking care with their appearance to catch the eye of their crushes, looked dazzling.

In the window’s reflection, she saw herself—her untidy overgrown hair, complete lack of makeup, and awkwardly-length skirt. An unstylish girl looking back at her with a troubled smile.

 

 

After parting with Kousei at the entrance, she headed to her classroom. Passing by the library, she briefly glanced that way with furrowed brows. Riko, walking beside her, said nothing.

“Morning, Riko-cchi! Hey, hey, look at this! Isn’t it amazing?”

“Wow, your nails are so cute! What’s the occasion!?”

“This nail artist apprentice I know did it for practice!”

“Hey, how much would something like this cost at a salon—”

“Well, it’s actually less than you’d think—”

As soon as they entered the classroom, Riko was approached by a group of fashionable girls. They seemed to be getting excited over the gel nails one of them had gotten done.

As Riko chatted with them, she kept looking at her own nails with a troubled sigh.

Suzuka watched this scene while setting her bag down at her desk, then found herself listening in on an animated conversation from a group of boys nearby.

“What, you broke up!? After all that trouble getting together, why!?”

“Well, we went on a date recently, and her casual clothes were just… how do I say it… way too far from my taste…”

“Ah… I kind of get it. You know how some people dress in ways that are just too out there?”

“Yeah, what girls like and what guys like don’t always match up.”

“They say your appearance shows your personality, so it’s important, you know?”

(…!)

Suzuka’s face twisted involuntarily. These words hit uncomfortably close to home.

Somewhere in her heart, she had assumed she was someone Yuuma would choose as a sexual partner.

What arrogance, to think that when she didn’t even care about her appearance and was far from attractive.

It had been Yuuma’s first time, after all. Maybe he would have preferred someone cuter. Instead, she’d gotten carried away with their familiarity and seduced him, ruining everything.

The thought made her chest ache with guilt, and she clenched her fist tightly in front of her modest chest.

“Suzu-chan, what’s wrong?”

Riko had come up beside her without her noticing and asked with concern. She must have been making quite a strange face.

“Ah, Ri-chan. It’s nothing—”

Suzuka broke off mid-sentence as she turned around, looking intently at Riko as she recalled her friend’s former appearance.

Just two months ago, Riko had hair just like Suzuka’s—black, plain, and messy. Then before starting high school, she’d declared she was going to reinvent herself, worked hard on changing her image, and transformed completely.

Could she change like that too?

No, even her brother had managed to change that much. It must just come down to her own determination and resolve.

Suzuka pressed her lips together firmly, took Riko’s hand, and made her request.

“Please, Ri-chan, I want to change my image too! Help me!”

“Eh, sure… …EHHHHH!?”